Mazer writing corner

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Mazer writing corner

Post by -Mazer on Mon May 04, 2015 6:58 pm

Yeah

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Re: Mazer writing corner

Post by TensePsychopath on Mon May 04, 2015 7:19 pm

I'll make a much more detailed post tomorrow, but one small thing really stood out to me was this part:

Thane took a deep, slow breath. It was obvious that the barkeep was struggling to maintain his cool.

That line at the end feels extremely weird and out of place. The rest of the text is relatively formal, so to have a bit of modern slang come of nowhere really breaks the immersion and atmosphere, especially since the story seems to take place in some kind of medieval fantasy world (I'm assuming).

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Re: Mazer writing corner

Post by -Mazer on Mon May 04, 2015 7:52 pm

TensePsychopath wrote:I'll make a much more detailed post tomorrow, but one small thing really stood out to me was this part:

Thane took a deep, slow breath. It was obvious that the barkeep was struggling to maintain his cool.

That line at the end feels extremely weird and out of place. The rest of the text is relatively formal, so to have a bit of modern slang come of nowhere really breaks the immersion and atmosphere, especially since the story seems to take place in some kind of medieval fantasy world (I'm assuming).

It's a fantasy world, correct but with modern twists that come up later. However you are correct - that line is off >.<

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Re: Mazer writing corner

Post by Ochi on Sun May 10, 2015 11:12 pm

didja get that post I wrote in page 24 of the gen chat?
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